I WENT MAD I TELL YOU...MAD!

Two weeks prior to surgery I was put on a restricted 600 calorie protein shake diet.  THIS MADE ME CRAZY

It is cruel and unusual punishment to only have 3 protein shakes a day and water.  I was plugging away on WW before this for 6 weeks and had lost 9 pounds.  It was kind of slow, but I was loosing weight and eating food.  Well, needless to say being significantly restricted down to the shakes was hard.  It was mental challenge as well as physical.  Even by the first evening I was hungry - crabby hungry - and yes, I chose to work some overtime.  Even reminding myself while I was sitting at work that I was there to earn 6 hours time off didn't matter.  I had a pretty interesting internal conversation in my head that evening...I think I found my "Cybil" if you will that night.  She (Cybil) was telling me to blow it on the first night and screw the skinny nutritionist who said it is easy the first day.  Ha ha - it didn't get any easier.  My stomach growled - LOUDLY!  I have never known my stomach to do that.  It's well oiled machine my stomach.  I feed it, and feed it, and make it nice and happy.  When you are that hungry it actually hurts.  There is a pain in your belly.  Who the hell knew that could happen? I sure as hell didn't.  So that's my first night.

After that it got harder with the physical hunger pains.  I was in tears at home, but home was so much easier than work.  I can control the food that was coming in and out of my home - at work, not so much.  I was lusting after Girl Scout cookies in the first week.  It was bad, oh so bad. 

Then the hunger pains awoke the freaking mental nut in me and she had her way with my head.  For a week my brain was like a ping pong ball being tossed around on what to do.  I thought to myself, if I can stay on 600 calorie a day diet and get a personal trainer why do I need surgery.  Then I went to the blogs.  Oh sweet Lord the blogs.  They were NOT helpful.  A bunch of fatties writing in a forum about how bad and horrible things are going.  Most whine about the fat not melting off.  Some have gnarly horror stories about after the surgery.  And a few are just plane pathetic!  I was reading where one person was rambling about eating everything in sight and gaining ten pounds.  This bit of information sounded fabulous right? 

Ok.  So now I am a week into starving to death, turning into a wack-a-do, and here's the best part...I GAINED A MOTHER FUCKING POUND!  Oh yah folks, that time I meant it and I have no apologies.  I guarantee if you starve yourself for a week ( okay, I know I wasn't starving, but 600 calories in liquid form is starving to a fatty) you would learn to use much more than the F word.  And the crazy lunatic in me decides to stay on this starvation plan to see if I would catch up the next week.

Week one over, week two its on.  If you are in the process of psyching yourself up for the pre-op diet do yourself a favor...avoid all invitations of parties or going out.  It is not worth it.  I went to a bridal shower for a dear friend and the food looked and smelled like heaven.  Seriously, going out is a fat kid's Prozac.  Needless to say week two is a major mind - fill in the blank.  My brain was like a ping pong ball going back and forth on whether or not to go through with this surgery.  I began to think if I could just stay on a diet and hire a personal trainer maybe it would work with out surgery.  I talked to my friends and family ALLOT during this second week on what to do.  

For some reason I found myself at the hospital March 23rd all gowned up and ready to go ....